And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
