Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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