wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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