you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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