did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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