last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
