So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
