community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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