hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
