Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
