I must be too annoying 4 u.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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