There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
