What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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