Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
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I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
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This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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