I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
