She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
