im drinking this country out of the recession.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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