And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
