Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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