Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Slut skills are useful in every country.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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