you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
