Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
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