WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
