I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
