real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Sober January is a disaster.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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