i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
