listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
