p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I want to be your penis for a week.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
