i already hear my dad disowning me
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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