i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
