but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i already hear my dad disowning me
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
