Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You've changed since you got that strap on
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
