Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
