The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
