franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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