My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
