last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
