I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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