she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
