i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
