I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Never underestimate the power of titties
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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