i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
