Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
