HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
you had me at cake vodka
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
