All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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