just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
