he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
