I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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