Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
