i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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