If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
