We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Randomize
