clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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