I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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