i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
vagina is talking i cant
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
