Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
