her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
it was like eating out sand paper
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
