you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
