i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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