he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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