We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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